“wake up!” “w4ke up!” “Wake Up!” “w a k e u p !” “wake up!” “wakeup!“ “WAKE UP!”

“ALRIGHT IM AWAKE!” aidan screamed. Well, in his head of course.

He stretches his hands and feet before looking at the clock. 7:02 AM, as usual. he turns back to his bed and lays there looking at the ceiling. He knows that he’s gonna be late, but it doesn’t faze him. in fact, nothing really fazes him anymore these days. The things that usually might get people alarmed like being late, being un organized, or being healthy enough doesn’t seem to bother him much as it used to. He hasn’t been exactly been feeling much actually……

And hes aware of that.

he checks the clock again. 7:05 AM. soon it will be 7:10 AM which according to his schedule should be the time where he tidies up like making the bed and sweeping the floor, but alas… he didnt move.

What schedule you may ask? well, ever since he started to… not feel much, he started to care less about things, so his mom advice him to make a schedule. It worked for the first few times. now it’s just one of the things that decorates his desk. Along with the book filled with happy quotes ,cute pictures and drawings from his brother and his BetterHelp application.

Things that people had adviced him “would help”

He checked his clock again. 7:13 AM. Which is when he’s suppose to be done with tidying up and moving on to packing stuff like his macbook and sketch pads. He moves to grab those things to pack them, but once again landed to the same object as the previous mornings. His phone.

He opens it and started looking at memes on instagram and tumblr and would sometime giggle at a few. He got the occasional morning text from his mother and brother, and the rare hello text from ash.

Who is ash you may ask? not important.

He checks the time on his phone. 7:18 AM. Meaning it’s almost 7:20 AM which is suppose to be the time where he gets up and shower. But of course like every other morning, instead he fell asleep.

He wakes up again and checks the time. 9:46 AM. Well, he super late now, but that still didn’t faze him. Sometimes he wish he could go back to when he could feel stuff, and that always ended up feeling sad, which sadly (lol) is one of the only things he could easily feel.

He continues to lay there and would check his phone, which by this time would be filled with his co workers asking why hes late. Even tho it might be a sign that they’re concerned, it always looks like they’re simply annoyed to Aidan.

Now he doesnt get those anymore cause they’re used to him being late now. Some are still annoyed by it but would rather say it in person.

That always clenches his chest.

He checks the clock. 9:59 AM. Now he feels the need to move, but only to pack and shower. Like what he told himself yesterday, “he can tidy up tomorrow”.

He gets up and enters the shower. But instead of going straight to showering, he just sits there and thinks about random stuff. Mostly about his life, and fantasizing what it would be like in an alternate universe or when it will end…

And then he starts showering.

He dries his hands and check the clock on his phone. 10:30 AM. “Right, time to get out” and so he did.

He gets his stuff,make sure he didn’t forget anything, gets out and locks his apartment door. He then proceeded to go to the cafe next to his apartment building to grab a hot cocoa, because he despises… coffee. He walks over to the bus stop and sat at the very left end of the bench. He looks up to see that the sun hasn’t showed up, or at least is blocked by the thick clouds.

He smiled a bit. “It’s gonna rain soon” he thought.

He gets off the bus and checks his phone. 11:04 AM. He continues to walk to his office which only takes a couple of minutes. When he arrived he hears the most familiar and enjoyable noise ever. Thunder. He’s not surprised. This town is famous for strangely always raining, he’s surprised that the town hasn’t even flooded yet.

I fact, now that he’s thinking about it, he shouldn’t be being how messy this town is. Why you ask?….not important…..

He enters the elevator and pressed the button to the 8th floor. He hums to fill in the silence. he stepped out a soon as the elevator opened and sits on his desk and like on command, it started raining. It’s a pretty peaceful rain, but he doesn’t mind.

“Late again i see?” Jake pops his head out of his desk. He’s the only co worker Aidan would actually consider as a… ‘friend’.

“Yeah, same old same old. you shouldn’t be surprised by this point” Aidan said. flat.

“I’m not, and that worries me. Dude you seriously to be more respon”

“What did i told you last time about giving me advice?” Aidan cuts off. Jake became silent. “What did i say..?” aidan repeats his question. Finally Jake spoke “Don’t… point out the obvious ones”

“Exactly”.

Jake gets up from his desk “fine, but i’m seriousdude, you keep acting like this Kate won’t hesitate to fire you.” “Let her. i don’t care.” Aidan said, staring straight into Jake’s soul. “well, that’s the issue now isn’t it?” Jake then walks off.

Aidan knows that Jake only said it because he’s worried, but a little part of his brain keeps telling him that it’s cause he’s getting annoyed. At his “condition” yes, but at him def no. but lately he’s been having trouble telling himself that.

He checks his phone. 11:23 AM. The rain is still pouring softly. Aidan takes out his macbook and turns it on. He then took out his earphones to block out the rest of the world to listen to some music. Usually songs by Anais Mitchell.

Songs usually has help him with his thoughts. How you may ask? Well cause when he does, they shut up.

He also likes looking at the rain, and when its quiet, listen to them too. It’s his safe haven. nothing can other hi-

“AIDAAAAAAAAAN” one of his earphones fell out and thats when he heard the yelling. when he turned around, he saw…. jake…

“Oh hes alive thank god. Kate wanted me to do some errands which involves me walking sadly. Anywho, i was gonna ask if you want anything while im out???” He slunched on my desk.

“A bag of doritos and a new friend.” Aidan responded

“Nice, but you’ll have to kill me first.” “i’m tempted…” Jake scoffed and walked to the elevator. Aidan was a bit grateful that he has him around. Sure he’s a bit of an airhead and too wild for his liking but hey, at least he respects boundaries, unlike the others in this office. He puts his headphones back on.

He fell back into sweet the sweet tunes of “the wedding song” by Anais Mitchell. before he can even listen to eurydice singing, someone tapped his shoulder, which made him turn around.

Kate.

“You’re late” “I’m aware”. Silence…..

“Seriously Aidan you can’t keep doing this-” “then why are you keeping me?” Aidan said, cutting her off. “You know i wont give a damn if you fire me, so why keep me?” “because firing you has a potential of giving this company a bad reputation” she said, with a hint of rage in it. “Oh my god how???” Aidan asked but then answered himself “because of my thing right? jesus Kate no one will give a damn if you fire me or not. Literally NO ONE” aidan answered, with a hint of annoyance. “You can’t seriously think that someone will try to use the subject of you firing me as a way to take me down right? like jesus how are you my boss?” Aidan’s annoyance was showing “shut the hell up right now before i dock you’re pay check” Aidan almost chuckled “not that i care but isn’t that illegal tho? docking a paycheck cause i ‘huwt youw fweelings’? pretty sure it’s illegal” Jake from the distance is listening and is actively cringing, mainly due to Kate.

“I said shu- KAREN WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?” she screamed at obviously Karen.

Karen shook a bit before answering “i-it’s um, m-my therapist appointment”. “you know im starting to think that this “therapist appointment” is just an excuse to get out of work, cause you don’t seem to look better. so either you’re therapist is shit or you’re faking it at this point” “imnotfakingitiSW-SWEAR” she said quickly, fear obvious in her eyes.

Kate then walks over to her and gave her a sharp look “are you sure? then why are you trembling karen?” “cause she has anxiety you dumb leech” Jake suddenly showed up from the elevator with 2 plastic bags in his right hand.

“You know. im seriously surprised that your dad trust you enough to run this company with your limited knowledge, btw i got your tampons” “JAKE!!!” she then walks over to jake and grabs one of the plastic bags, red smeared all over her face.

Karen then quickly ran to a door leading to the stairs of the building, to scared to pass Kate.

“KAREN! jesus you know what? I dont have time for this” Kate walks off to her office.

“What are you looking at?” She says to Aidan before she mumbled “useless prick” but Aidan heard that. And the thoughts came back rushing in.

“Why are we alive? “c4n we ju5t d13 ple4s3?” “I Hate Our Life” “w e s h o u l d s l i t o u r w r i s t” “literally nobody cares about us” “we’re useless” “we’re annoying” “WE DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE” “nO oNe WoUlD mIsS uS” “W E D E S E R V E T O R O T I N A G R A V-”

He quickly puts his earphones and starts the song. He went peaceful and back to feeling nothing again. Which to be honest he would rather prefer. He saw Jake in the corner of his eyes looking worried, but Aidan gives him a reassuring smile.

He checks his phone. 11:56 AM. He couldn’t believe that went on for about 20 minutes.

He continued to listen to music and looking down at the raining city, filled with bystanders (maybe) walking along the sidewalks and cars riving by.

When he mentions this to people, they usually think that he’s just over reacting or looking for pity, but the truth is it just happens. He didn’t want these voices. He didn’t want to constantly have to fake smile everytime just to lighten someone’s mood. He didn’t want to question if there is eve actually a point in waking up EVERY morning. he honestly didn’t want ANY of this. and if there is someone out there pretending to be like him for attention, then screw them really.He checks his clock. Its 12:00 PM

8 hours before he goes to sleep again,its dreadful he thought, but for now, just hide it, and smile.

M Abdallah Resar, Sekolah di Omah Dongeng Marwah